Pandemic Diary of a Schizophrenic.

Michael Petrov

Источник: ruspol.net
Фото взято из оригинала статьи или из открытых источников

07.11.22
4756

* * *
Today was announced the quarantine.

* * *
Yesterday was announced the quarantine.

* * *
The day before yesterday was announced the quarantine.

* * *
It has been a week. Quarantine continues. I wanted to go to the supermarket. I was looking for a gauze bandage in the medicine cabinet. Didn’t find it. I decided not to go to anywhere.

* * *
I didn’t go to the supermarket yesterday. Twitter writes about empty shelves. If they are empty, why go? Checked the stock of the toilet paper. If you do not go to the supermarket every day, the toilet paper will last for a long time.

* * *
The neighbours quarrelled over the refrigerator at night. Had a stool in the morning. First one this week. To the maximum. Water and paper consumption is significant. Need to save. I will not go to the supermarket today.

* * *
I didn’t go to the supermarket. I observed the street from the window in the afternoon. The neighbours went crazy. They carried home bags stuffed with toilet paper three times. They quarrelled over the refrigerator again. They cannot find the Krakow sausage. No one confesses.

* * *
I didn’t sleep at night. The neighbours quarrelled over the sausage. The sausage was found. They argued how to divide the sausage. In the afternoon, I decided to go to the supermarket once a week. If I went there more often, then there would not be enough paper for a long time. I wanted to save water, but the smell is unbearable. I had to drain the entire cistern. It's a shame. The resource is not replenish able. Twitter writes that the president of America has declared a state of emergency. African Americans buy toilet paper and resell it to white people. Horror! I am white.

* * *
I didn’t write for two days. It seems that today is Thursday. They write that the borders are closed to foreigners. Horror! I'm a foreigner. I won’t go to the supermarket. I wanted to poop in the afternoon. A big one. Did not work out. There is no solid fraction. We managed to save the paper.

* * *
The neighbours quarrelled at night. They shouted on the staircase that they do not give a shit about the quarantine. Horror. Now it’s clear why they need so much toilet paper.

* * *
The choice is between saving paper and dystrophy. It is resolved. I’m going to the supermarket tomorrow. Twitter advises to queue up at night. It’s scary to live.

* * *
While standing in the queue I found out that the quarantine would be checked. Especially foreigners. Horror. Returned home. Unbearable. Afternoon loose stools. There is no solid fraction. I'll go to the supermarket tomorrow. They write that there is also a virus and a quarantine in China. Billion Chinese have been quarantined. Colossal paper consumption.

* * *
It seems that the neighbours have divided the sausage. They quarrelled over paper at night. Consumption for three exceeded the norm. Not the Chinese. However, they could just buy reusable chopsticks instead of paper.

* * *
Twitter writes that the pollution of toilet flushes has exceeded the norm. They don’t write anything about the norm. The excess flushing will be punished. Especially foreigners. I'm a foreigner. I don't care about the norm. I will shit as much as it shit happens. Unexpectedly for me. Brutal.

* * *
I’m going to the supermarket tomorrow. Let them fine me. I do not care.

* * *
I do care. They say in the queue that foreigners are being fined. The rate of pollution was lowered (for dystrophics). You need a certificate that you are dystrophic or you will pay a fine. On the shelves is empty. Canned fish, galoshes and children's underpants. I bought a sprat in tomatoes (5 pieces) and a tourist's breakfast (fish and cereal, 5 pieces). A can of cabbage soup without meat and a can of pea soup without meat. A bag of cat food. The woman at the checkout gave oatmeal. Pity? They watched me in the yard. Pressed the purchases to my chest. Let them beat me. Will not give them away.

* * *
The neighbours were silent at night. Suspicious. A solid fraction (relatively) came out in the afternoon. The amount is small. Encouraging. Paper consumption has increased. Twitter writes Russia has reset the deadlines. All of them? Right away? Horror.

* * *
I didn’t write for week. There were no events. The neighbours came in the morning. They demanded food. Junior showed me a fist. Horror. They took the cat food. No pity. I have constipation because of it. Painful. Twitter writes that Annexation of Crimea should be remembered during quarantine the. Who is it?

* * *
The neighbours came back in the morning. They demanded the food. Junior showed me a fist. I sent them away. Unexpected. They were upset as they left. However, I'm not scared. Turns out, I have Charisma. Twitter says so. The government has closed all borders. Don’t care.

* * *
Still quarantine. The neighbours came at night. They wanted to take food. Junior showed me a fist. The elder frowned. I hit him with my knee in the groin. Brutal. It turns out I'm capable of violence. The neighbours were offended. Gone. Twitter writes that Russia is going to occupy us. They demand to bear in mind the Annexation of Crimea. Who is it?

* * *
I went to the neighbours at night. I showed them a fist. I demanded food. They were surprised. They gave me the leftovers of the cat food. They are constipated by it. I have a loose stool. High paper consumption. The constipation is better. I went to the supermarket in the afternoon. There was food on the shelves. On the street, hooligans take the food away. Horror. I didn’t buy anything. I do not want to feed the hooligans.

* * *
I invited the neighbours to the supermarket in the morning. Bought food. At the exit, they showed a fist to the hooligans. I took the food to myself. I will hand it out to the neighbours according to the norm. Twitter writes that quarantine will last a long time. I thought about it. For a long time you need an organizational form.

* * *
Neighbours came in the morning. After the roll call, I gave them food. For a day.

* * *
The residents of the house held a meeting in the afternoon. They decided to elect the oldest person responsible for the porch. Neighbour showed them a fist. They elected me. I suggested going to the supermarket together. Neighbour organized a column. Hooligans at the supermarket fled. The food was stacked in my place. I announced the daily norm. I assigned the neighbour’s wife to distribute the food. The tenants were indignant, but the neighbour showed them a fist.

* * *
The stool is settled. I ordered the contingent to hand over toilet paper. Norm for a week: for an adult – a meter, for a child – half a meter. Twitter writes about the Annihilation of the Crimea. Everyone scolds the president of Russia. I do not care. I announced yard’s combat training and defence studies, named Spring Storm. The tenants were worried, but a neighbour showed them a fist. It turns out you can. Brutal.

* * *
The neighbour’s wife came at night. I didn’t understand why. Gave her a roll of paper from the reserve. The wife left, but the husband arrived. He wanted to show me a fist. I told him to fuck off. It turns out you can. I announced civil defence studies in the morning. The threat of a chemical attack. I appointed the chemistry professor as the chief. Gave him a premium sprat in tomato. The lecture was exhausting. I didn’t understand about free radicals. Twitter writes that radicals should be imprisoned. I agree. Will organize a prison tomorrow.

* * *
Requisitioned the neighbour’s empty garage for the prison. He wanted to show me a fist. I gave him a can of Sheba pate. The neighbour could not refuse. I declared a state of emergency in the evening. I ordered to catch the radicals at night. The contingent was dissatisfied. Neighbour showed him a fist.

* * *
They were catching the radicals all day. Especially free ones. No one was caught. The reward was cancelled. I took the remaining sprats away from the professor. The professor’s wife whispered that the radicals were hiding among the tenants. I liked that thought. I gave her professorial sprats. He ordered to organize a denunciation box on the entrance door.

* * *
I was thinking the whole night. Especially about the neighbour’s wife. Why does she need so much paper? I read the denunciations in the morning. Exhausting. In the afternoon, I announced a contingent campaign for squeezing the radicals out from oneself. The neighbour squeezed first. Then the neighbour’s wife. Then a pest-professor. Then his wife. Then the rest of the contingent. I learned a lot about myself. I ordered the neighbour to show his fist to everyone. The professor was imprisoned. Bastard confuses the minds. Twitter writes that the president of America has reset the Federal Reserve rate.

* * *
I gathered a general meeting of the contingent in the morning. I want to write collectively protest to the president of America. Obliged him to increase the reserve rate to the maximum on Twitter. Otherwise, we will announce a boycott to hamburgers and Coca-Cola. The released professor said that we are all idiots. He was again imprisoned. The place for free radicals is in prison.

* * *
Today I went to the supermarket. Coca-Cola is not there. There are no hamburgers either. The hooligans have fled. Bought a lot of food. Especially the Pidigree. All food was taken to my place. The contingent got worried. I had to increase the rate of daily product distribution. I’m constipated because of the cat food. I tried Pedigree. Waiting for the result.

* * *
Twitter writes that our president demanded that the Attribution of Crimea must be returned to its place. He said directly to the President of Russia: "Position it now, where did you get it!" Everyone says there will be war. The contingent is worried. They asked me to return the right to visit the supermarket individually. Fuck them.

* * *
I gathered a contingent in the morning. I announced that there would be no more self-criticism. We will eat food and thank the government. They thanked the government. Thanked me. It turns out that I don’t only have Charisma. I am smart. I am kind. I am wise. I am a sufferer and breadwinner. The professor’s wife offered to pledge allegiance to me. They took an oath, but I did not release the professor. Free radicals should be in prison. I scheduled civil defence studies for tomorrow. Introductory: the threat of a nuclear explosion.

* * *
I was constipated at night. Pidigree did not live up to the expectations. Twitter doesn't help. I cancelled the studies for now. Appointed a contingent general cleaning of the yard and the surrounding area. It became very bad during the day. Until the reasons were clarified, I cancelled the issuance of the daily food norm. The measure is temporary, until tomorrow. The contingent is worried. The neighbour showed a fist, but they were not afraid.

* * *
The night passed in torment. I ordered the professor to be delivered in the morning. The professor demanded freedom in exchange for a consultation. I had to promise. He assures that "Pedigree" should not be consumed dry. It should be cooked in a saucepan until it becomes a soup. Why isn’t Twitter writing about this? Prior to receiving positive results, the professor will remain in prison. The contingent was ordered to cook the daily norm of Pedigree. From liquid and hot. I feel better. Had a stool in the evening, I was empty. I did not understand how myself.

* * *
In the morning, a delegation from the contingent arrived. Thanks. From the dry Pedigree, everyone had a hard stool. In some cases, up to blood. After cooking, the stool softened to a conditionally liquid. Praised my wisdom in excellent terms. I announced to the contingent my goodwill and rest day. I ordered to take board games into the yard. Chess. Checkers. Dominoes Gambling banned. I forbade playing for food and paper.

* * *
Twitter reminded me about quarantine in the morning. The President of America ordered the President of Russia to return the Abstraction of Crimea to its original position. The president of Russia refused. Our president threatened the president of Russia to secede from the mainland. I did not understand about the mainland. In exchange for information, the professor demanded freedom. A neighbour showed him a fist. It turns out that our president has a plan. On the border with Russia will place deep bombs. The force of the explosion will separate the state from the mainland. Many will die. Those remaining free will live on the island. The island will drift towards America. Quarantine will continue. Oh, shit. War was not in my plans.

* * *
Pedigree Soup had a positive effect. The stool is settled. Paper consumption is economical. The mood is cheerful. I announced contingent exercises in the event of separation of the state from the mainland. The professor said that I am an idiot. Until he learns politeness, he will be in prison. In place of the sandbox built a bunker. In three rolls did not work. They dug up the message from the entrance to the bunker. The contingent got excited. I had to issue an extra ration.

* * *
Gently emptied in the morning. The mood is cheerful. He announced to the contingent that the drummers had an extra ration and increased paper consumption. Paper consumption is expected to increase up to one and a half times. By dinner, everyone signed up for drummers. Towards evening, we dug up the passageways to the bunker from two neighbouring entrances. Therefore, it won’t work. There isn’t enough paper for everyone.

* * *
In the morning, a neighbour brought me a picture. The professor portrayed my image on cardboard with oil and grease. He asked to be released. Portrait ordered to hang over the door to the entrance. Let the professor sit in prison. The radical promised the next time to paint my portrait with faces. I prescribed him loose stools. You won’t be spoiled.

* * *
The week passed without incident. Twitter promises in the evening a full-scale invasion of green men from a neighbouring state. Our president called for leaving for the woods immediately to organize partisan detachments. Their president promised all Cracow sausages if the annexation of Crimea would be recognized as voluntary.

* * *
The night went uneasily. The neighbours got into a fight. In the morning, the professor’s wife asked him to be released. An old woman, and politics there too. Professors temporarily released. He informed the contingent about the proposal of the neighbouring president. Everyone liked the idea of sausage. They voted unanimously. To hell with them some kind of annexation, some kind of Crimea. Give the sausage! The professor said we are all idiots. I sent him back to jail. On the holiday, everyone was given an extra ration. The next day I appointed a trip to the supermarket to take food and beat the hooligans. The contingent liked it.

* * *
Twitter reported at night that a hybrid war had begun. The president of a neighbouring country offered our president a lot of Cracow sausages in exchange for lifting the sanctions. The Polish president was offended that the Russian president disposed of his sausage. Our president proudly refused Krakow sausage. Then the neighbouring president proposed instead of Krakow sausage Moscow, raw smoked. The proposal did not like the president of America. Sausages from the European Union supported sausages from America. Their president threatened to deliver a pre-emptive strike to sausage factories in Russia. The president of a neighbouring country promised America so much toilet paper that African Americans are left without business. The professor said that we are all idiots and did not let him sleep. About the European Union, he said that this is garbage. Asked back to jail. I ordered the contingent to strengthen its defensive position in the morning. Soldering cut in half. À la guerre comme à la guerre.

* * *
À la guerre comme à la guerre. At night, someone smeared the grease in my portrait. The contingent is preparing to rebel. I decided to take tough measures. I ordered a raid on the supermarket. The supermarket only has mustard, soda, and ketchup. Nobody needs galoshes. I also wanted to cut the rations. The professor said it was suicide. He asked not to be released from prison and to plant a wife for him. The grease greased in the portrait looks terrible. I ordered take it away

* * *
Everything is terrible. The Pedigree ends. Pipifax is not enough for everyone. The hybrid war does not end. Have to cut rations.

* * *
Fearfully. In the morning, professor said that a radical decision must be made. Announce on Twitter that we accept Moscow sausage, but without Annexations and Contributions. Announced. Twitter replied that the sausage is linked to the recognition of Annexation. If we accept the sausage and do not recognize the Annexation, then the global economic crisis will begin. According to dick crisis. We have quarantine. Give the sausage! The contingent liked it. The professor said that we are all idiots and went to jail. Radical.

* * *
The night was exciting. The contingent was worried about sausage. Twitter reported in the morning that the crisis was over. The sausages of the European Union and America surrendered. All who were supposed to die from the virus died. The rest will live, though not for long. The contingent staged a rally in the trenches. They screamed all day. In the evening they demanded Pedigree and toilet paper. I had to give it.

* * *
I haven’t slept all night. In the morning, I sent my intelligence to the supermarket. There are no queues. There are no bullies. There are no free radicals either. On the shelves sausage Krakow, Moscow and even else. Coca-Cola without a limit. In one hand as much as you want. Recognized the Connotation of Crimea? The professor said that I am an idiot.

* * *
Everything is lost. Power has run out. Quarantine has ended.

* * *
The chair has run out.

* * *
Life is over.

* * *
Return quarantine.

* * *
I beg you, return.